


I Made America: The Musical

by AnnabethTheUnicorn



Category: I Made America (Web Series)
Genre: 18th Century CE RPF - Freeform, American revolution RPF - Freeform, Betrayal, F/M, Gay, Gay Founding Fathers (Hamilton), Historical Lams, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kidnapping, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Musical, Oh more kidnapping, Original Music, Time Travel, Time travel kidnapping to be exact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnabethTheUnicorn/pseuds/AnnabethTheUnicorn
Summary: Franklin, Hamilton, Jefferson, Madison, Washington, and John Adams were kidnapped from the past and brought to 2020 Chicago and this is the story.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/Mindi, Benjamin Franklin/Mindi, George Washington/Caroline, John Adams/Abby
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Act I

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to know if I could write a musical in a week. Turns out I can, so long as I forgo food, sleep, and even Animal Crossing. Enjoy the fruits of my labor. To listen to the music as you read, click here! https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1eyyEergYdslu5hOeiUOY3uD_ZZlZd8jp?usp=sharing

ACT I  
Scene 1  
(Spotlight on George Washington, with his foot up on an unspecified object, looking quite distinguished in his General garb and powdered wig. The Battle Hymn of the Republic plays beneath him as he speaks.)

WASHINGTON  
I once said, “be courteous to all, and intimate with few.” But tonight, we shall be intimate with all, and courteous to none.

(The rest of the stage is lit at this point, revealing a regular 21st-century party. The item Washington had his foot upon? A Keg. And as the young partygoers around him begin to chant “USA! USA!” General Washington does a Keg stand. As the partygoers say their names, the other founding fathers appear as well, each doing their own thing at the party. On his name, John Adams does a shot.)

PARTYGOERS  
FRANKLIN, HAMILTON, JEFFERSON, MADISON, WASHINGTON,  
AND JOHN ADAMS  
WERE KIDNAPPED FROM THE PAAAAAST,  
AND BROUGHT TO 2020 CHICAGO.  
DON’T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD,  
AND JUST TRY TO GO WITH THE FLOW,  
THEY WERE KIDNAPPED FROM THE PAAAAAST,  
AND BROUGHT TO 2020 CHICAGO,  
AND THIS IS THE STORY!

FRANKLIN  
Ah, welcome friends! It’s me, Benjamin Franklin. You’ve arrived just in time to witness my bad-ass prank. You see Alexander Hamilton over there, yes? (Franklin conjures a cup of water from somewhere off-stage.) Trying to woo the beautiful maiden. We shall see how well he does at flirting when his pants are thoroughly soaked! (He accidentally-on-purpose spills his water on Hamilton.) Whoop-sie!

HAMILTON  
Franklin, you will pay for this!

WASHINGTON  
(Buzzed from the keg stand.)  
I MADE AMERICA,  
I MADE AMERICA,  
I MADE AMERICA,  
YOU’RE WELCOME!

HAMILTON  
(Returning to his conversation with Mindi.)  
I am so sorry about Mr. Franklin, he forgets himself.

MINDI  
Oh, I don’t mind. I’m much more interested in you…

HAMILTON  
EVERYONE SAYS I’M RELIABLE,  
I SAY SIGH-ABLE, CRY-ABLE,  
UTTERLY UNDENIABLE,  
WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE,  
AND MINDI’S MAKIN’ ME CRAY,  
HEAR MY HEART BRAY,  
GOTTA FIND A WAY TO MAKE THIS ONE STAY.  
YOU HEARD I STOLE BRITISH CANNONS?  
YEAH, I’M A DANGEROUS MAN, AND  
YOU KNOW I’M HURTING INSIDE  
BECAUSE MY MOM DIED.  
(MINDI sighs.)  
YOU’LL FIND I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A LADY ANY YEAR.

MINDI  
SO HOW ABOUT THE TWO OF US GET OUTTA HERE?

HAMILTON  
Okay!

MINDI  
(Noticing Madison curled up by the wall.)  
What about your friend?

HAMILTON  
Someone else will watch him.  
(Hamilton and Mindi make their way to the exit.)

FRANKLIN  
And “someone else” was me. You see, Madison didn’t make the time jump as well as the rest of us. Blame it on his weak constitution, but he went completely off-his-rocker.

MADISON  
She’ll be back. She’ll sleep in hearts and eat the food we make again.

FRANKLIN  
Yes, yes, James, hush now. The exposition is unfolding.

WASHINGTON, HAMILTON, + FRANKLIN  
WE MADE AMERICA,  
WE MADE AMERICA,  
WE MADE AMERICA,  
YOU’RE WELCOME!

JEFFERSON  
(Befriending some local stoner-musicians.)  
I sicken of politicians always requiring my favor. 

STONER 1  
But you’re a hero! You wrote the debleclarnation of independence and like, freed us all.

STONER 2  
You’re here now, man. 2020. Just say “fuck it,” dude.

JEFFERSON  
(He sings like an emo popstar.)  
FUCK IT,  
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PHRASE,  
FUCK IT.  
NOTHING CAN PHASE ME NOW.  
I GOT A NEW PURPOSE,  
I’M GONNA MAKE EVERY SECOND HERE WORTH IT.  
THE MUSIC IS CALLING TO ME!  
THE MUSIC IS GONNA SET ME FREE,  
AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO SAY OTHERWISE…  
I’M GONNA SAY “FUCK IT!” CUZ,

I MADE AMERICA,  
I MADE AMERICA,  
I MADE AMERICA,  
YOU’RE WELCOME!

THE FOUNDING FATHERS + PARTYGOERS  
WE MADE AMERICA,  
WE MADE AMERICA,  
WE MADE AMERICA,  
YOU’RE WELCOME!  
Scene 2  
(Franklin, Jefferson, Madison, Washington, and Adams are standing in the doorway of their own apartment down the hall, chuckling. The Handler is displeased with them.)

HANDLER  
I told you not to leave this apartment! (Irritated by their laughter.) What, you think this is funny?

ADAMS  
We didn’t listen to King George, what makes you think we’d listen to you?

HANDLER  
Need I remind you that you were brought here to support the American Revolutionaries for Freedom and Families, not to- (He’s cut off by the Fathers’ grumblings.) AARF stands for the Constitution as you intended it!

WASHINGTON  
How dare you speak to us of our own intentions.

HANDLER  
All we wanted was six measly months of campaigning, and we’d send you right home.

JEFFERSON  
Yes, yes, our endorsement is our ransom, but somehow you’re the victim here.

HANDLER  
You were my heroes. Pillars of virtue! We thought bringing you here would save our country. (Franklin places a comforting hand on the Handler’s shoulder. The Handler glares daggers at him.) But as you’ve made it clear you have no intention of doing so-- Where’s Hamilton?

ADAMS  
He’s right, where is Hamilton?

HANDLER  
(Calling out.) Hamilton!

JEFFERSON  
(Gesturing to the tie around the doorknob to Hamilton’s room.) Ah, his room is occupied. 

HANDLER  
Why.

FRANKLIN  
A special companion, he’d probably wish you not interrupt.

HANDLER  
(Charging to the door.) HAMILTON! (The other Fathers yell after him, telling him not to open the door. Which he does anyway. And a bucket of honey and feathers falls on his head. He turns slowly around, and Hamilton emerges, half-dressed, from the bedroom.)

HAMILTON  
That was meant for Franklin.

HANDLER  
(His spirit thoroughly crushed.) I came here to say that we are going to send you back. But fuck it. I’m done. Welcome to the 21st Century, assholes.

(The Handler pushes past the Founding Fathers and leaves. Mindi comes out of the bedroom, wrapped in a sheet, looks around at the assembled men in powdered wigs, and goes back into the bedroom without a word.)

Scene 3  
(The apartment, Franklin is helping Washington work the cell phone.)  
FRANKLIN  
Ah! It’s calling now. Put it to your ear, Washington. No, no, the other way. Now, you’re going to hear a voice-

WASHINGTON  
There is a spirit!

FRANKLIN  
No, no, it’s not a spirit, just- talk, quickly!

WASHINGTON  
Hello? Hello! Yes, hello, how is the weather? Ah, typical, typical. May I have your name? Stacy. And this is the Mount Vernon Residence? Visitor Center. No, no, no, I need to speak with someone at the residence. Allow me to introduce myself. This is President George Washington of these United States of America. I recently have been, eh…

FRANKLIN  
Time traveled!

WASHINGTON  
Time traveled, and I am attempting to return home to Virginia. Stacy? Stacy, hello? 

JEFFERSON  
Excellency, you too? I called Monticello yesterday. 

WASHINGTON  
I want to go to Vernon. I belong there, it is my home.

JEFFERSON  
It belongs to the American people now. 

WASHINGTON  
The American people. The American People would be outraged if they knew- I want to go home.

FRANKLIN  
But you can’t.

WASHINGTON  
I want to go back to my time, when there was sense in the world!

(Mindi comes out of the bedroom, clearly rushing to get out of the apartment. Hamilton trails her, oblivious.)  
HAMILTON  
I may be a fool for saying this, and you would be wise to think me so. 

MINDI  
Alex, you really don’t have to…

HAMILTON  
These last few days have been some of the happiest I can remember. And it is my greatest hope that you are of the same mind. I’ve never known love such as yours, so I don’t know whether or not this qualifies- Do you have someplace to be? I was just thinking about making breakfast. (He takes off his powdered wig and holds it to his chest.) When can I see you again, my love? ...If I may say the word?

MINDI  
Please, don’t? Look...  
THESE HAVE BEEN SOME OF THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE,   
THEY’VE ALSO BEEN SOME OF THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE.  
I’M NOT SAYING THAT’S ENTIRELY BECAUSE OF YOU,  
BUT NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, THAT’S MOSTLY TRUE.

WHAT I MEAN IS THAT IT’S YOU NOT ME.  
LOOK, I DIDN’T MEAN TO FUCK AND FLEE,  
I JUST DON’T THINK THAT WE’RE MEANT TO BE,  
BUT YOU’RE A GREAT STORY.

LOOKING IN YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW, I SEE YOU’RE CONFUSED.  
SO LEMME TRY TO BREAK THIS DOWN FOR YOU.  
YOU GOT SUPER INTENSE RIGHT FROM THE START,  
TALKIN’ ABOUT STUFF LIKE HOW I STOLE YOUR HEART.  
What?  
I KNOW IN TIME YOU’LL COME TO SEE,   
WHEN YOU’RE A GEMINI, YOU MUST BE FREE.  
I GUESS WE JUST WEREN’T MEANT TO BE,  
BUT YOU’RE A GREAT STORY.

OKAY, HEARING MYSELF NOW,  
I MAYBE SOUND A LITTLE BRATTY.  
DON’T GET ME WRONG,  
YOU’RE LIKE A LITTERAL 10.  
AND HOW MANY GIRLS CAN SAY  
THEY CALLED A FOUNDING FATHER DADDY?

BUT, LIKE, I CAN’T REALLY BE TIED DOWN TO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW,  
THAT’S NOT WHERE I’M AT ON MY PERSONAL JOURNEY,  
AND IF WE HAD MET TEN YEARS FROM NOW,  
I MIGHT FIND YOUR CLINGINESS CHARMING,  
BUT WE DIDN’T AND WE’RE HERE NOW AND IT’S NOT GONNA WORK,  
BUT WHO KNOWS, LIKE,

MAYBE WE’LL CONNECT AGAIN?  
TIL’ THEN,

PROMISE, PLEASE, THAT YOU’LL REMEMBER ME,  
AND THE TIME WHEN YOU AND I WERE “WE,”  
IT’S SO SAD WE WEREN’T MEANT TO BE,  
BUT YOU’RE A GREAT STORY.  
(Mindi exits and Hamilton throws himself face-down on the couch.)

FRANKLIN  
Hamilton? All is well, sir?

HAMILTON  
(Into the couch.) Leave me be.

FRANKLIN  
Never before have I seen the statesman of our great nation so beleaguered by troubles. And superficial ones at that.

WASHINGTON  
It is not superficial.

FRANKLIN  
Examine the paradox, you receive news through a miracle. You can speak with Stacy in Virginia, while living in the middle of the Louisiana Territory. All we did in our time was build the foundation upon which greatness could stand, and though it was rewarding work, we resigned ourselves to never witnessing that greatness with our own senses. Now, we have the opportunity to do just that. And there’s no American Revolutionaries for Freedom and Families to tell us what to do! We’re on our own, good sirs. Freedom and liberty!  
(He sees his friends remain unmoved.)  
There is a corner market less than five-hundred paces from here that sells liquors of a quantity we’ve never witnessed. We ought put it to a vote.

WASHINGTON  
Nay.

FRANKLIN  
Franklin, aye!

JEFFERSON  
I abstain.

HAMILTON  
You’re speaking of liquor?

FRANKLIN  
Not just of liquor, but of getting drunk. What say you?

HAMILTON  
Aye.

FRANKLIN  
Adams absent, and Madison…  
(They turn to look at Madison.)

MADISON  
Beyond the wall of sleep, we are all in the dark.

FRANKLIN  
Also absent. The ayes have it! 

Scene 4  
(The Apartment, some time later.)

FRANKLIN  
To the last of our per-diem!

ALL  
Here, here!

WASHINGTON  
To making the most of our kidnapping and this godforsaken place!

ALL  
(Less enthusiastically.) Here, here.

(Adams returns home, an envelope in hand. The other Founding Fathers greet him drunkenly, talking over each other.)

FRANKLIN  
Adams!

JEFFERSON  
Oh-ho-ho!

HAMILTON  
This guy!

WASHINGTON  
He arrives!

FRANKLIN  
It’s John Adams!

JEFFERSON  
Join us, join us, how goes your search for employment?

ADAMS  
Not well, I’m afraid. What’s here?

HAMILTON  
Drinking!

ADAMS  
I need one.

JEFFERSON  
And music from a box! 

WASHINGTON  
Join us! We’re toasting the modern age.

ADAMS  
I will have words with the modern age. 

FRANKLIN  
I have words for the modern age! Now, something has brought us here, and we will return again, mark me, but until then… We have sown the seeds of this great nation. This bountiful nation! And we shall taste it’s fruits! Cheers, gentlemen.

ALL  
Here, here! Cheers, cheers!

ADAMS  
Oh, I nearly forgot. (Holding up the letter.) We have post. Do any of you know the Commonwealth of Edison? It is an invoice for electrical power… Three weeks past due. They are threatening to cut our supply. No matter! Where is the rest of our per-diem?  
(The founding fathers look at the liquor before them. The lights go out.)  
Oh.

Scene 5  
(An office in Chicago. Washington sits opposite two office workers. They stare at him, unimpressed.)  
FRANKLIN  
Washington, ever-determined to provide for his fellow man, joined Adams in his hunt for employment. It was immediately clear that our George was not qualified for the position of Office Manager in the slightest.

WASHINGTON  
A friend mentioned that you fellows were brutal.

FRANKLIN  
But if there was ever a man who could turn the tide of war, it was General Washington.  
(Time shifts about half an hour, everyone in the office is gathered around to hear Washington speak.)

WASHINGTON  
The bloody feet were excruciating, but the real joke was on the British. So that was Valley Forge, sure it was hard, but not as hard as acquiring a cab in this neighborhood during closing time, am I right?

OFFICE WORKER 1  
Oh god, you’re a riot!

OFFICE WORKER 2  
Alright, look, we’re not supposed to do this.

OFFICE WORKER 1  
No, never.

OFFICE WORKER 2  
I mean, we’re not allowed to.

OFFICE WORKER 1  
Buuut we have been known to make exceptions for those we like.

OFFICE WORKER 2  
And we like you, a lot. You know what I’m saying?

WASHINGTON  
I can’t say I do.

OFFICE WORKER 1  
He’s saying, “Welcome to the team, General!”

Scene 6  
(Outside the apartment, Franklin is collecting mail from their mailbox, when Mindi comes down the stairs.)

FRANKLIN  
Oh, hello!

MINDI  
Hiya!

FRANKLIN  
What are you doing here?

MINDI  
I live in the building.

FRANKLIN  
Then why don’t we see more of you? You were such a special friend to our Alexander Hamilton.

MINDI  
Oh, shit. Um, you really can’t tell him that I live here. Promise me you won’t say anything?

FRANKLIN  
Uh, agreed.

MINDI  
Oh, good. You’re the best. I mean, yeah, we were just having fun and everything, but he started to take it a little too seriously. Jesus, I mean just being outside with that guy was claustrophobic. I mean, nothing against your friend, he’s really nice and everything. But, he was just like the tentacles of a squid. 

FRANKLIN  
I know what you mean.

MINDI  
You have really pretty eyes. 

FRANKLIN  
Oh.

MINDI  
Bye!

(Franklin goes back up the stairs to the apartment.)

JEFFERSON  
And I say again, John, I’m done with it!

ADAMS  
But you are a brilliant legal mind. Franklin, any post?

FRANKLIN  
No.

JEFFERSON  
John, please, I understand what I did in a previous life, I lived it! That doesn’t mean I have to pursue that in this life as well.

ADAMS  
Thomas, you have a gift with words. Use that gift!

JEFFERSON  
It is a gift, and I may use it however I please!

ADAMS  
YOU KEEP DENYING IT, BUT YOU KNOW THAT I’M RIGHT.  
WE NEED A LAWYER’S SALARY AND NOT YOUR NIGHTLY   
BREADCUMBS, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WHEN   
MR. EDISON COMES?

DON’T MAKE EXCUSES, JUST WORK ON YOUR CV,  
IT’S CLEAR THIS AIN’T YOUR FOUNDING FATHER’S COLONY,   
AND WE ARE, STRUGGLING WITH EVERY GRATING  
STRUM OF YOUR GUITAR,

THOMAS, PRACTICE LAW.  
I’M ASKING YOU POLITELY.  
AND AS YOU HAVE SO RIGHTLY SAID,  
“FIX REASON FIRMLY IN HER SEAT.”  
IS THERE A REASON YOU WANT US OUT ON THE STREET?

JEFFERSON  
YOU KEEP HARANGUING ME, I’M GONNA DO MY THANG.  
LAST TIME I CHECKED, ADAMS, THE LIBERTY BELL RANG,  
WHICH MEANS I’M FREE TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL  
I WANT WITH MY TIME.

ADAMS  
THOMAS, PRACTICE LAW.

JEFFERSON  
No. 

ADAMS  
THINK ABOUT BEFORE, WHEN  
I GOT YOU TO TAKE YOUR PEN,  
AND DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM THE KING.  
WHY’S IT SO HARD TO GET YOU TO DO ANYTHING?

JEFFERSON  
FUCK YOU.  
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PHRASE.  
FUCK YOU.  
YOU CAN NOT PHASE ME NOW,  
I’VE GOT A NEW PURPOSE.  
YOU CAN KEEP NAGGING, I WON’T JOIN YOUR CIRCUS.

(Overlapping:)  
THE MUSIC IS CALLING TO ME,  
THE MUSIC IS GONNA SET ME FREE,   
AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO SAY OTHERWISE,  
AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO SAY OTHERWISE,

ADAMS  
THOMAS, PRACTICE LAW.  
I’M ASKING YOU POLITELY.  
AND AS YOU HAVE SO RIGHTLY SAID,  
“FIX REASON FIRMLY IN HER SEAT,”  
SO MAYBE DON’T FORM A BAND WITH EVERY STONER THAT YOU MEET!

JEFFERSON  
THE MUSIC IS GONNA SET ME FREE,  
AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO TELL ME OTHERWISE,  
I’M GONNA SAY FUCK YOU.

Scene 7  
(The office, Washington’s first day on the job.)

WASHINGTON  
Good morning.

RECEPTIONIST  
Good morning, George.

WASHINGTON  
Good morning.

OFFICE WORKER 3  
Good morning, General!

WASHINGTON  
Good morning.

CAROLINE  
(Whipping around with a scowl.) It’s afternoon.

WASHINGTON  
(Turning to Office Worker 1.) It’s afternoon.

OFFICE WORKER 1  
Oh, don’t even think about it, man. She’s impossible.

OFFICE WORKER 2  
Yeah, if you wanted to date her, you’d have to sleep under your desk.

OFFICE WORKER 1  
And invest in fireproof armor.

OFFICE WORKER 2  
Oh shit!

OFFICE WORKER 1  
BEWARE THE DRAGON LADY,   
ONE MISSTEP AND SHE’LL DESTROY YOU,  
SHE’LL FIND ANY TINY REASON  
TO SUGGEST THEY UNEMPLOY YOU,

BEWARE THE DRAGON LADY,  
AND HER FIRE-BREATHING WIT.  
YOU CAN TRY TO BE POLITE,   
BUT SHE’LL REMIND YOU YOU AIN’T SHIT.

(He makes a dragon noise.)

OFFICE WORKER 2  
Oh are you talkin’ about, (He makes another dragon noise.)

OFFICE WORKERS 1 + 2  
BEWARE THE DRAGON LADY,  
AND HER PENIS-PIERCING TALONS,  
SHE WILL ALWAYS FIND A WAY  
TO THROW YOUR WORK-LIFE OUT OF BALANCE,

BEWARE THE DRAGON LADY,  
SHE WILL TREAT YOU WORSE THAN CRUD.  
HER SCALES MAY SEEM TO GLISTEN,  
BUT THEY’RE ONLY SOAKED IN BLOOD.

(They both make a dragon noise.)

OFFICE WORKER 3  
Are we talking about (He makes a dragon noise.)

OFFICE WORKERS 1, 2, +3  
BEWARE THE DRAGON LADY,  
WE KNOW YOU FORMED THE REPUBLIC,  
BUT IF YOU TRY TO PURSUE HER,  
SHE WILL MAKE YOU CRY IN PUBLIC.

BEWARE THE DRAGON LADY,  
SHE’S TOO VENOMOUS TO BEAR.  
SHE’LL EAT YOU IN ONE SWALLOW, SIR,  
SO WASHINGTON, BEWARE!  
(Office Workers 2 and 3 each make another dragon noise. Caroline comes around the corner, and they go back to pretending to work. She turns away, and Office Worker 1 makes one last dragon noise.)

Scene 8  
(The apartment. Madison is chewing on the couch as Hamilton and Franklin look on, baffled.)

FRANKLIN  
I’m at my wits end. He’s getting worse. Deeper into oblivion, and more childlike in his tantrums.

HAMILTON  
He waxes and wanes.

FRANKLIN  
Without warning. And without predilection as to which founding father is in charge of him.

HAMILTON  
You are concerned?

FRANKLIN  
Of course I am concerned.

MADISON  
Fear. Fear like a wave. Like a wall. Like a bullet from a gun. Fear like a- Like a- Like a- Gah! Virginia won’t say and Philadelphia won’t do! Bastard men on bastard money.  
(Franklin places a hand on Madison’s shoulder. Madison takes it.)  
Betrayal is a state of mind.  
(He grabs Franklin by the arm and pulls him down over the couch.)

FRANKLIN  
Oh!

HAMILTON  
Madison, stop! (He manages to wrestle Madison back down to the couch.)

MADISON  
Fie! Fie! Fie!

HAMILTON  
Madison, for christ’s sake, listen! It’s 1796! You’re in Virginia!  
(Madison begins to still.)  
You’re home, with Dolly. She’s just in the other room. Be calm sir, nothing can harm you here. You’re in good ole Virginia. With Dolly.

MADISON  
Home?

HAMILTON  
You’re home. You’re home.

MADISON  
Dolly? Dolly, my Dolly… You found love in your heart for a fat old man. Left your church for me, I’ve never forgotten. Are we going home, Dolly? Are we home? Yes, of course we are. You are my home. (Madison falls asleep. Hamilton and Franklin untangle themselves from him.)

FRANKLIN  
Well done with Virginia.

HAMILTON  
It was nothing. (He picks up a pair of dice from the coffee table and takes a seat on the floor.) Pass dice?

FRANKLIN  
Mm. (He sits.) Perhaps that is the key to the child’s mind, keeping him in fond memories of home.

HAMILTON  
Perhaps.

MADISON  
Six. Two.  
(Franklin rolls the dice. A six and a two.)  
Three. Three.  
(Hamilton rolls the dice. A three and a three.)  
One. Four.  
(Watching Madison closely this time, Hamilton throws the dice. Franklin and Hamilton share a look.)

Scene 9  
(Jefferson emerges from a rowdy bar with his guitar, looking downtrodden. Some bar patrons are leaving the same time, and one pushes roughly past him.)

DRUNK GUY  
Next time, grow a pair, dude!

JEFFERSON  
FAILURE,  
WHAT A FRIGHTENING WORD,  
FAILURE,  
WHEN YOU FAIL YO BE HEARD,  
IT SUCKS,  
I TOTALLY BOMBED IT.  
THEY TOOK MY SONG,  
AND THEY FACE-PALMED IT.

THE MUSIC WAS CALLIN’ TO ME,  
THE MUSIC HAS GOT TO BE MY KEY   
Get it?  
TO FIGURING OUT WHERE I STAND HERE,  
IN THIS FURIOUS, CURIOUS, DAMNED YEAR.

THE MUSIC IS MY SALVATION,  
I CAN DO IT, I FORMED A NATION,  
AND IT ANYONE TRIES TO SAY OTHERWISE…  
I’M GONNA SAY FUCK IT.  
YEAH, YEAH!

  
Scene 10  
(Hamilton and Madison return home after a night of gambling, Hamilton gently hushing Madison’s groans and other noises of discontent. He half-carries Madison to the couch. Franklin is lurking in the shadows.)

HAMILTON  
There we are my friend. You did well tonight, very well.

FRANKLIN  
Hello, Hamilton.

HAMILTON  
Oh! Franklin, I didn’t think anyone would still be awake.

FRANKLIN  
What is this?

HAMILTON  
What is what?

FRANKLIN  
In your hand there.

HAMILTON  
Ah, just a few dollars I’ve acquired.

FRANKLIN  
You’re using Madison to gamble. Are you mad?

HAMILTON  
No, actually. I thought it was rather intelligent.

FRANKLIN  
You mustn’t steal. You’ll tarnish the good reputation of us all.

HAMILTON  
Nothing was stolen, Franklin. I assure you, everything was painstakingly earned.

FRANKLIN  
And painstakingly withheld from us, who are supposed to be your friends. We must tell the others. Madison can predict the future, surely this warrants careful and measured- 

JEFFERSON  
(Returning home from drinking away his sorrows, he sings drunkenly to himself as he places his tip money in the electricity jar.)  
THE MUSIC IS CALLING TO ME!  
THE MUUUSIC DA DA DA DA DA DEE…  
Good evening, Hamilton. Good evening Franklin.

HAMILTON  
Jefferson, you reek of drink. Among other things.

FRANKLIN  
And how did it go at your open microphone event? 

JEFFERSON  
A bigger disaster than the French Revolution, I’m afraid. Hamilton, what is that?

HAMILTON  
What is what? (Jefferson gestures.) Ah, just a few dollars that have come into my possession.

JEFFERSON  
All that you have acquired belongs to the group.

HAMILTON  
As I recall, Jefferson, you were not so keen to pool resources when I was establishing our national debt.

JEFFERSON  
I have made my earnings known, and placed them in the electricity jar for all!

HAMILTON  
Yes, all four dollars. Congratulations. Surely, this great display of wealth will cause Adams to eat his words. But, dear Jefferson, think me not a monster, for I am a generous man.  
(Hamilton places a few ten-dollar bills in the electricity jar.)

JEFFERSON  
Selfish Traitor!

HAMILTON  
Is that any way to thank the man who is about to restore your electricity?  
(Jefferson skulks off in a huff, Hamilton turns back to Franklin.)  
You will not say a word.

FRANKLIN  
Apart, we fail. And Madison suffers, clearly you see that.

HAMILTON  
And clearly you see what we are up against! You’ve walked outside, down the road, yes? Every tea and coffee salon has one of the same three names, for providence sake! How do you expect us to get ahead? There is no room for honesty in this new world.

FRANKLIN  
That is terribly cynical. 

HAMILTON  
Washington and Adams would not understand, but just a few more gambling sessions with Madison, and I shall buy the moon for us all. 

FRANKLIN  
And the sun shall cast upon you a shadow.

HAMILTON  
Then I shall purchase a flashlight.

FRANKLIN  
(Addressing the audience.)  
Hamilton retired to his room, and after procuring some aspirin and placing it beside Jefferson’s door, I followed. We assumed Madison was fast asleep. (Madison suddenly sits straight up.) We also assumed Jefferson remembered to lock the door. (A draft blows the front door open.) Well, you know what they say about assumptions.

MADISON  
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…  
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…  
SOMETHING SPLIT WE CAN’T FIX…  
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…  
SEVEN.

A MISSING PIECE OF TIME,  
COCONUT AND LIME,  
ALL SIX ARE DEAD, BUT SOMEONE’S EXTRA DEAD,  
THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG INSIDE HIS HEAD.  
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG IN MY HEAD?

I’M GOING TO DISAPPEAR.   
ALL OF TIME IS HERE.  
SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN,  
WHO KNEW YOU WERE NEAR?  
TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED,  
TAKE ALL THE TIME.

A THNEED, A THNEED,  
IS SOMETHING EVERYBODY NEEDS  
THE DOPPELGANGER'S BAD INTENTIONS  
WILL SOW THE SEEDS.  
DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE,  
DO SOMETHING MORE WITH YOUR LIFE.

I’M GOING TO DISAPPEAR!  
ALL OF TIME IS HERE!  
TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED,  
TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED,  
IN A MATTER OF TIME YOU’LL BLEED!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…  
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…  
SEVEN…

(Madison wanders out the door.)

Scene 11  
(Washington enters the office. Everyone is scrambling as Dendgridge screams in one of the back offices.)

TODD  
This happens every time! If I don’t have that damn contract here by 5pm today, you can kiss my ass goodbye!

OFFICE WORKER 2  
Washington!

OFFICE WORKER 1  
Washington, You were handling the Dendridge contract, right? Look, this guy’s breathing down my neck. I need that signed copy by tonight or else he’s dropping us, and you’re out of a job.

OFFICE WORKER 2  
He sent it to your outlook?

WASHINGTON  
Yes, I recall the moment of sending it to the press.

OFFICE WORKER 1  
Look, I don’t have time for this. Caroline! Help the General here, he’s an outlook rookie.

(Caroline takes a seat in front of Washington’s computer.)

WASHINGTON  
Ah… Search “Dendridge Signed Contract.”

CAROLINE  
Nope. Tried it.

WASHINGTON  
“Dendridge Contract Signed Important.”

CAROLINE  
Did you save it? Did you auto-archive it? Do you even know what that means?

WASHINGTON  
I am unfamiliar with all of these archives!

CAROLINE  
Look, I wrote your job description because they asked me which qualifications are important to me. They copied my description verbatim, and then I waited for an employee with rigor and competence. But instead they hired you. 

WASHINGTON  
Forgive me, madame. I am at fault. If my position is to be relieved, let that be the will of providence.

CAROLINE  
I have work to do. You’re on your own.  
(Caroline walks away, and finds the contract in a pile on the bosses desk. She looks at Washington, who is occupied with the computer. She smirks.)

Scene 12  
(The streets of Chicago. Hamilton is hanging missing posters of Madison while Jefferson and Franklin trail behind him.)  
JEFFERSON  
Franklin, will you attempt to talk some sense into him? You’re the one with the almanac and the head full of quotations. Contrive of one to make him cease this madness. Our combined efforts have led to seven days, now eight, with no sign of Madison anywhere.

FRANKLIN  
Just give him some time. He is in need of movement before he can accept what is.

JEFFERSON  
It has been a week of movement. I hate to say it, but there may be no hope. 

FRANKLIN  
Hamilton. (Of the posters.) You know the city is just going to remove them all again.

HAMILTON  
Then I will put them back up again.

JEFFERSON  
We must return home, Hamilton, it’s getting dark.

HAMILTON  
They have street-side lamps. I will nary tire and stay up all night if I must!

JEFFERSON  
You took great care with him. You did all a man could do and kept him out of danger. (A sigh.) This isn’t about Madison, is it?

FRANKLIN  
You will have to allow our friend his sorrow, dear audience. I have known few men to experience quite as much loss as he. But perhaps Hamilton was less of an angst-ridden teenager inside that brilliant mind of his.

(Scene shift, Shadows come out of the woodwork to form moments of memory as Hamilton recalls writing a very particular letter.)

HAMILTON  
Dear John,   
Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my dear Laurens, that it might be in my power…  
TO CONVINCE YOU  
Through actions, rather than words,  
THAT I LOVE YOU.

YOU NEVER RAN FROM A FIGHT,  
HAD TO PROVE YOU WERE RIGHT.  
I SAW MYSELF IN YOU,  
BUT SOMETHING GREATER TOO.

DEAR JOHN, WHAT CAN I DO,  
TO CONVINCE YOU  
THAT I LOVE YOU?

I WROTE YOU ALMOST EVERY NIGHT,  
WISH YOU NEVER LEFT MY SIGHT.  
WHEN YOU BECAME EVASIVE,  
I GOT FAR MORE PERSUASIVE.

DEAR JOHN, WHAT CAN I DO,  
TO CONVINCE YOU  
THAT I LOVE YOU?

SOMETHING ATE YOU AWAY,  
LONG BEFORE THE BULLET TOOK HOLD, INFECTION SET IN.  
COULD I HAVE MADE YOU STAY,  
WHEN I WAS BUSY BUILDING A COUNTRY YOU WON’T SET FOOT IN?

HOW CAN,  
I BREATHE,  
KNOWING THAT YOUR MELANCHOLY BESTED ME?

DEAR JOHN, WHAT CAN I DO,  
TO CONVINCE YOU  
THAT I LOVE YOU?

DEAR JOHN WHAT CAN I DO,  
TO CONVINCE YOU  
THAT I LOVE YOU?

SHADOWS  
(Overlapping:)  
SOMETHING ATE YOU AWAY,  
LONG BEFORE THE BULLET TOOK HOLD, INFECTION SET IN.  
INFECTION SET IN.

YOU NEVER RAN FROM A FIGHT,  
HAD TO PROVE YOU WERE RIGHT.  
WHEN YOU BECAME EVASIVE,  
I GOT FAR MORE PERSUASIVE.

HOW CAN,  
I BREATHE,  
KNOWING THAT YOUR MELANCHOLY BESTED ME?

HAMILTON  
DEAR JOHN, WHAT CAN I DO,  
TO CONVINCE YOU  
THAT I LOVED YOU?

I have gratified my feelings by lengthening the only kind of intercorse now in my power with my… friend. Adieu. Yours.

FRANKLIN  
Or perhaps not.

Scene 13  
(The office. Caroline saunters over to Washington’s desk and leans over it.)

CAROLINE  
You didn’t find it, did you? You are not an office manager. And you never will be.

(Todd comes out of the back office and exits. Office Worker 1 walks slowly over to Washington’s desk.)  
OFFICE WORKER 1  
In the nick of time! And to think I ever doubted you.

OFFICE WORKER 2  
General, you are good. Why don’t we grab a drink and celebrate?

WASHINGTON  
A drink, hah. Yes, a drink.

(The Office Workers exit, and Wasington goes to follow, but stops for a moment to lock eyes with Caroline, who’s still working away at her desk.)

  
Scene 14  
(Outside the apartment, Adams is taking the trash to the receptacle when he’s hit in the face by someone else’s garbage.)

ADAMS  
Agh! You beastly, sordid, incompetant- 

ABBY  
Woah, person! I’m so sorry, oh my god! Is your face okay?

ADAMS  
Yes. I, um, was attempting to… My lady. (He bows. She curtsies) John Adams.

ABBY  
I am so sorry for throwing garbage at you, John Adams. Here, let me make it up to you! (She pulls a cupcake out of her bag.)

ADAMS  
A baked confection!

ABBY  
Yes.

ADAMS  
This is the kindest act that I have received since my arrival.

ABBY  
Arrival. In… Chicago?

ADAM  
Indeed, madame.

ABBY  
Madame. You’re such a nonconformist. Right on.

ADAMS  
Is this your chosen profession? To bake?

ABBY  
I dabble.

ADAMS  
I failed to collect your name, Madame.

ABBY  
It’s Abby.

ADAMS  
Abigail?

ABBY  
(She nods.) Is something wrong?

ADAMS  
Nothing. Just… that is my wife’s name.

ABBY  
You’re married.

ADAMS  
No.

ABBY  
Divorced?  
  
ADAMS  
No. She is dead. And I miss her terribly. It’s strange, I haven’t spoken of her since I came to Chicago.

ABBY  
I’m so sorry… You have to let me make up for socking you with my garbage. Maybe you could let me buy you coffee?

ADAMS  
I think I would like that very much.

ABBY  
Are you free now?

ADAMS  
Why, yes, actually, allow me to grab my coat.  
(Abby waits by the trash, and Adams goes back into the apartment.)  
Ah, Franklin. Refreshed from your slug-a-bed day?

FRANKLIN  
I toiled tirelessly three-hundred years ago, I am allowed to sleep in.

ADAMS  
“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise!”

FRANKLIN  
Don’t quote me to me. When will the others be returning for libations and night-time fun?

ADAMS  
Jefferson rehearses with his band mates. Washington will be out with his colleagues until late. Hamilton is securing firearms and then attending shooting practice.

FRANKLIN  
You, John? Surely?  
  
ADAMS  
I may have a special meeting with a special person…

FRANKLIN  
Then I am left to my solitude.

ADAMS  
It appears so. E pluribus unum!  
(Adams exits.)

FRANKLIN.  
Ah… Franklin, alone.  
OH, WHAT’S A NARRATOR TO DO,   
LEFT OUT OF THE ACTION,  
HOW DO I KEEP MYSELF OCCUPIED?  
THEY ABANDONED ME AT HOME AND NOW I’M AIMLESSLY SINGING,  
TO KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED SO YOU DON’T LEAVE AT INTERMISSION.

I’M NOT REALLY SURE,  
WHY THIS SONG’S IN THE SHOW?

BUT I WILL SIT IN THE DARK AND WAIT,  
FOR SOMETHING OF NARRATIVE IMPORTANCE TO HAPPEN.  
WHICH’LL PROB’LY BE ANYWHERE BUT HERE,  
BUT I’M WAITING ANYWAY.

I WONDER IF ADAMS IS GETTING ALONG WITH HIS LADY FRIEND.  
I WONDER IS ADAMS IS GETTING LAID TONIGHT.  
HE’S NOT VERY CHARMING, BUT PEOPLE HAVE LANDED ON THE MOON,  
SO ANYTHING’S POSSIBLE.

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER,   
THAT WOULD BE MORE FUN TO WATCH THAN

ME SITTING HERE IN THE DARK ALONE,  
HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL NARRATOR CRISIS.  
THIS SONG DOES NOT HAVE A SINGLE RHYME,  
NOT EVEN 1, 2, 3, 4!

(Franklin pretends to be his own band.)

I’LL SIT ON MY ASS AND WAIT,  
FOR ANYTHING REMOTELY CAPTIVATING TO HAPPEN!  
MY FRIENDS DITCHED ME ALONE IN THE DARK,  
BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE JERKS!

(There is a knock at the door. Franklin goes to answer it.)  
Now, who could this be?

MINDI  
(Coming into the apartment uninvited.)  
Is Alex here?

FRANKLIN  
Ah, no. It is I, Franklin, alone. Are you alright?

MINDI  
I’m fine! (She sobs.) No, no, I’m not!

FRANKLIN  
How may I be of service?

MINDI  
It’s nothing, it’s just this guy that I’m dating.

FRANKLIN  
Has he broken your heart?

MINDI  
No. Yes! Into a million pieces! Have you ever just, like, loved and hated someone so much that you just wanna-

FRANKLIN  
Oh, yes, my dear girl. His name is John Adams.

(Mindi laughs and then starts bawling, hugging Franklin tightly.)

MINDI  
How is Alex, anyway?

FRANKLIN  
Oh, he’s good… No, wait, no, he’s not-

MINDI  
No, I mean is he seeing anyone? Do you think he’d be up for some fun?

FRANKLIN  
And what explanation will be given for your reversed position?

MINDI  
Oh, I haven’t reversed my position. I’m still not into him. 

FRANKLIN  
Then he will be your plaything?

MINDI  
No. I’ll explain to him that it’s a rebound, he’ll understand.

FRANKLIN  
Will he?

MINDI  
Sure.

FRANKLIN  
This passion that you feel for that ex-boyfriend of yours… It is what Hamilton feels for you. I have had relationships with many. They are never quite as simple as you would like them to be.

MINDI  
I just want a warm body.

FRANKLIN  
You want a warm body, but you could use a friend.

MINDI  
Aw, Ben. Why can’t you let me make my own mistakes?

FRANKLIN  
Because that is not what friends do.

MINDI  
So we’re friends now?  
  
FRANKLIN  
I appreciate your candidness. Your zeal. My friends have ventured outside the apartment and made investments in persons of the present, but my only relationship is with a computer.

MINDI   
You wanna be my friend?  
  
FRANKLIN  
Of course. I humbly accept your friend request.

  
Scene 15  
(A bar. Harry Nilsson’s “Lime and the Coconut.” plays on the jukebox.)

FRANKLIN  
Jefferson and Adams came up with a brilliant plan to pull Hamilton out of his sorrows. That plan involved drinking, socializing, and more drinking. Therapy hadn’t been invented in the early nineteenth century, and so it was the natural solution to those unfamiliar with the concept. 

JEFFERSON  
To the restoration of our electricity!

ADAMS + FRANKLIN  
Here, here!

JEFFERSON  
Where is Washington?

ADAMS  
He couldn’t make it - he said he was detained by that woman in his office.

JEFFERSON  
Those two will be entangled within the fortnight.

HAMILTON  
Oh, what does it matter? Everything is meaningless.

(A gaggle of queer folx enter the bar. The song changes to something more Todrick Hall.)  
FRANKLIN  
It was then, in the pits of his own despair, that Hamilton looked over the brim of his ale and saw him.

HAMILTON  
John.

ADAMS  
Yes?

HAMILTON  
(Waves him off.) Not you.

FRANKLIN  
As mad as it seemed, even in his drunken stupor, Hamilton would swear it was John Laurens himself who entered the bar that night.

LAURENS  
I’M JOHN, I’M GAY, I WANT CIVIL RIGHTS,   
FOR ALL MY SISTERS AND MY BROTHERS ANY COLOR BUT WHITE,  
AND ALL MY SIBLINGS, EVERY SHADE OF THAT RA-RA-RA-RAINBOW.  
NEWSFLASH! GENDER ISN’T REAL, SWEETIE, NOW YOU KNOW.

OOPS! WAS I ABRASIVE?  
OR WAS I JUST PERSUASIVE?

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S  
WON’T STOP, WON’T SIT, WON’T SHH, I STRESS  
PRO-CHOICE, PRO-QUEER, PRO-VOICE PROGRESS,  
P-R-O-G-R-E SIS, YES.

FRANKLIN  
A memory, as clear as day, suddenly bubbled up to the forefront of Hamilton’s mind. He was never a praying man, but the day he was informed of Laurens’ demise, Alexander fell to his knees in prayer. He prayed for-

HAMILTON  
Reincarnation.

FRANKLIN  
He prayed for John Laurens to live a different life, a new life, in a world where he could be unapologetically himself. Was it possible his wish had been granted?

LAURENS  
I’M JOHN, I’M GAY, DEFUND THE POLICE.   
INVEST IN SOCIAL AND YOUTH SERVICES, THE VIOLENCE MUST CEASE.  
THEY MAKE EGREGIOUS DRUG CHARGES SO THE RICH CAN GET FATTER.  
SAY IT WITH ME NOW, KAREN, BLACK TRANS LIVES MATTER.

OOPS! DID THAT INSULT YOU?  
ALLOW ME TO ADULT YOU.

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S  
WON’T STOP, WON’T SIT, WON’T SHH, I STRESS  
PRO-CHOICE, PRO-QUEER, PRO-VOICE PROGRESS,  
P-R-O-G-R-E SIS, YES.

WE GONNA LET THEM MAKE “FACT” A DIRTY WORD?  
HONEY, THAT’S ABSURD, WE’RE GONNA FIGHT BACK.  
WILL WE BE POLITE, WATCH AS OUR COUNTRY’S BURNED?  
FUCK NO, RESPECT IS EARNED. WE’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S  
WON’T STOP, WON’T SIT, WON’T SHH, I STRESS  
PRO-CHOICE, PRO-QUEER, PRO-VOICE PROGRESS,  
P-R-O-G-R-E SIS, YES.

ALL  
P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S  
WON’T STOP, WON’T SIT, WON’T SHH, I STRESS  
PRO-CHOICE, PRO-QUEER, PRO-VOICE PROGRESS,  
P-R-O-G-R-E SIS, YES.

(Hamilton moves across the room as if in a trance.)

HAMILTON  
John.

LAURENS  
Correct. I’m guessing you liked the song. Sorry, I don’t sign autographs until I’m a few drinks in.

HAMILTON  
I’m Alexander. Hamilton. 

LAURENS  
And what do you do, Alexander Hamilton?

HAMILTON  
I am a graduate of Collumbia. I am an abolitionist, anti-racist, rather. Between jobs, at the moment.

LAURENS  
In other words, unemployed?

HAMILTON  
What is your profession, John?

LAURENS  
I run political campaigns. Right now I’m managing a presidential candidate. He’s very close to being the pick for the Democratic Primary.

HAMILTON  
So it’s safe to assume your boyfriend holds your same ideals?

LAURENS  
Smooth. I am between boyfriends at the moment.

HAMILTON  
In other words, single.

LAURENS  
Cute. But I smell the heartbreak all over you, and I don’t do rebounds.

HAMILTON  
Nor do I.

LAURENS  
Maybe I could spare a dance, if you promise to keep your hands where I can see them.

HAMILTON  
That can certainly be arranged.

DEREK  
Hey!  
(He comes up and shoves Hamilton away.)  
Schmooze somebody else, dickweed, this one’s spoken for.

LAURENS  
Derek, back off.

HAMILTON  
Yes, Derek, last I checked this was a free nation, where a man can dance with whomever he so chose.

DEREK  
Smart mouth, back the hell up unless you wanna get your ass kicked.

HAMILTON  
If I am to die in a duel, I welcome it in this or any era.

DEREK  
Then let’s take this outside.

HAMILTON  
And give you the chance to run, coward?  
(Derek socks Hamilton in the face. His friends jump up to help, but Laurens is the one who drags him off.)

LAURENS  
Stop, you psycho! We’re finished, do you hear me? I broke up with you, get that through your thick skull!

(Adams rushes to help Hamilton off the floor.)

ADAMS  
Hamilton, it’ll be alright! Have no fear, John Adams is here.

FRANKLIN  
Those words struck a chord in Hamilton, and shot him rapidly out of his despair.

HAMILTON  
HAVE NO FEAR,  
JOHN IS HERE,   
BRIGHT AND CLEAR,  
LIKE THE RIGHTEOUS VOICE OF GOD HAS SPOKEN,

HAVE NO FEAR,  
JOHN IS HERE,  
DRAWING NEAR,  
LIKE A PROMISE THAT WILL NOT BE BROKEN.

FRANKLIN  
The very next morning, Hamilton made breakfast and told Adams his plan.

HAMILTON  
FRANKLIN, HAMILTON, JEFFERSON, MADISON, WASHINGTON…  
AND JOHN ADAMS,  
WERE KIDNAPPED FROM THE PAST,  
PERHAPS THERE WAS A REASON.  
PROVIDENCE HAS SHONE ON YOU,  
SHALL WE MAKE THIS ADAMS SEASON?

YOUR WORDS MOVED ME TO MY VERY CORE,  
I SEE THEM PLASTERED ON WALLS FROM SHORE TO SHORE,  
THEY’RE ON THE TIP OF EVERY NEEDY AMERICAN’S TONGUE,  
THEY WILL BE PAINTED ON STREETS, SCREAMED, SPOKEN, AND SUNG.

I want you to run for president.

ADAMS  
President? But- But there are term limits now.

HAMILTON  
You only served one term! You are still eligible. 

ADAMS  
Why don’t you run for it yourself? You never served.

HAMILTON  
Because I am a bastard, John, and people hate bastards.

ADAMS  
And you would do what for the campaign?

HAMILTON  
I would run it.   
HAVE NO FEAR (HAVE NO FEAR)  
JOHN IS HERE (JOHN IS HERE)  
CHANGING GEAR,  
WHY PRACTICE LAW WHEN YOU CAN MAKE IT?

HAMILTON + ADAMS  
HAVE NO FEAR, JOHN IS HERE.  
BRIGHT AND CLEAR,

HAMILTON  
AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAKE IT!

FRANKLIN  
Adams shook Hamilton’s hand and the game was afoot. Hamilton quickly tracked down a political correspondent - Rick Darvey - who was well-versed in how to play the world of politics. He took one look at Adams’ announcement and had this to say.

DARVEY  
LOOK, THIS STUFF SPEAKS TO THE UPPER-CLASS,  
BUT WE WANT YOUR LOFTY RHETORIC TO PASS   
WITH THE LAYMAN, GOTTA MAKE ‘EM OOH AND AAH,  
ADD BUZZWORDS, “FREEDOM, USA, BLAH BLAH BLAH”

DARVEY + HAMILTON  
HAVE NO FEAR,  
JOHN IS HERE,  
NEW CAREER,

HAMILTON  
KEEP WRITING, JOHN, YOU’RE GONNA MAKE IT.

DARVEY + HAMILTON  
HAVE NO FEAR,  
JOHN IS HERE,  
IT’S YOUR YEAR,

DARVEY  
IF YOU GROW THE BALLS ENOUGH TO TAKE IT.  
(Adams storms off in a huff.)  
YOU WANT HIM TO WIN?

HAMILTON  
YES.

DARVEY  
YOU BETTER TALK TO HIM.

(Scene shift, Adams is about to make his announcement. Hamilton approaches him.)

ADAMS  
So, you’ve come to convince me to market myself to the American people by filling my speech with, what was it? Buzzwords?

HAMILTON  
That is what I am to do.

ADAMS  
Well, do it then.

HAMILTON  
I will not, sir.   
DO YOU KNOW YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH, JOHN,   
IS THAT YOU GRACEFULLY DISOBEY?  
I SAW IT BACK IN OUR TIME,  
I SEE IT HERE TODAY.

SO WHAT’S TO BE DONE WHEN DULL MEN MOCK YOU TO YOUR FACE?  
YOU DO WHAT YOU MUST IF JUSTICE IS UPROOTED FROM HER PLACE,  
YOU DISOBEY WITH GRACE.

(They shake hands, and Adams takes to the podium.)

ADAMS  
My fellow Americans, Freedom is…  
YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY THESE WORDS,   
YOU EXPECT ME TO DANCE,  
BUT A MAN WILL NOT AMOUNT TO MUCH  
IF A MAN CAN’T TAKE A CHANCE.

SINCE I ARRIVED HERE, I NOTICED SOMETHING VERY STRANGE,  
THE FIGHTING SPIRIT OF THE COLONIES LIVES ON IN THESE STATES,  
I GUESS SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.

SO WHAT SHALL WE DO WHEN HUMAN RIGHTS HAVE BEEN IGNORED?  
STRENGTHEN OUR WILL UNTIL THE TRUTH HAS BEEN RESTORED.  
WE WILL NOT WAIT FOR FAITH OR CHANCE TO SET THE PACE.  
HOW WILL WE RESPOND WHEN CON-MEN CHEAT TO WIN THE RACE?  
WE WILL DISOBEY WITH GRACE.   
WE WILL DISOBEY WITH GRACE.  
LET US DISOBEY WITH GRACE.

(Washington notices something as Adams’ speech begins to wind down. The Handler is in the crowd, and as Washington alerts the others to his presence, the Handler pulls out a powdered wig. AARF has Madison. He’s gone before they can follow.)

ALL  
HAVE NO FEAR...  
JOHN IS HERE…

HAVE NO FEAR,  
JOHN IS HERE,  
BRIGHT AND CLEAR,  
LIKE THE RIGHTEOUS VOICE OF GOD HAS SPOKEN,

HAVE NO FEAR,  
JOHN IS HERE,  
DRAWING NEAR,  
LIKE A PROMISE THAT WILL NOT BE BROKEN.

(Adams steps down from the Podium and stands with his friends to wave to the crowd. Hamilton whispers something in his ear. Blackout.)


	2. Act II

ACT II  
Scene 1  
(The apartment is strewn with Adams’ campaign paraphernalia. Hamilton is proof-reading one of Adams’ speeches, while Adams tries to use their laptop. Jefferson is trying out campaign slogans as he examines a root vegetable.)

FRANKLIN  
September in Chicago, and the campaign could not have been going better! Jefferson was working hard on the campaign song...

JEFFERSON  
VOTE FOR ADAMS,  
BETTER THAN THE ALTERNATIVE...  
Eh.

FRANKLIN  
And Hamilton labored away, going over every word of each and every speech.

HAMILTON  
This is inspiring. Adams, this speech will win you the primary. How do the numbers look?

ADAMS  
Uncertain. I’m not sure what I’m looking at.

FRANKLIN  
(Looking over his shoulder.) Ah, the internet is a fickle mistress. Try this connection…

ADAMS  
MindiNet?

FRANKLIN  
Shh! There you are.

JEFFERSON  
VOTE FOR JOHN ADAMS,  
OBNOXIOUS AND UNPOPULAR!  
No…

ADAMS  
Ah! The numbers are good! We are quickly gaining on the other major candidates.

HAMILTON  
Wonderful news.

ADAMS  
Fie… They are smearing my good name through the mud! These cock robins.

HAMILTON  
Language, Adams, you have a reputation to uphold. What are they saying now?

ADAMS  
That if elected, I will reinstate monarchy! Utter hogwash…

HAMILTON  
That is easily disproven.

JEFFERSON  
VOTE ADAMS,  
SECOND TIME’S THE CHARM!

HAMILTON  
Jefferson, what are you doing?

JEFFERSON  
I am writing Adams’ campaign song! 

HAMILTON  
Clearly, but why are you cradling a beetroot?

JEFFERSON  
Ah, that. I am waiting for it to rot.

FRANKLIN  
Explain yourself, sir.

JEFFERSON  
I am following the instructions of an article I found. (He produces a list.) “Five steps to writing a viral song.” Step one - Get a sick beat.

FRANKLIN  
I fail to see how that will help.

JEFFERSON  
As do I. But I am trusting in the process. Step two - Say your name in the beginning.

HAMILTON  
That won’t do, the public will think you are running for president.

JEFFERSON  
A good point...

FRANKLIN  
Adams, what is wrong?

ADAMS  
I worry for Madison. Since his capture we’ve heard nothing from AARF. They must be planning something.

FRANKLIN  
They’ll be biding their time, waiting for the perfect moment to exploit us. So, we remain vigilant. And when the opportunity presents itself, we get our friend back.

HAMILTON  
In the meantime, Adams, you have a campaign to win. Jefferson, put yourself to actual use and edit this. (He hands Jefferson the speech.) While you’re at it, email a copy to Washington.

JEFFERSON  
Who died and made you king?

HAMILTON  
As Adams’ campaign manager, I consider myself second-in-command. Therefore, when Washington is at work, yes, I will happily step into a leadership role. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting. (He exits.)

JEFFERSON  
Tis’ as if he is running for president.

Scene 2  
(A coffeeshop. Laurens is waiting at a table when Hamilton enters.)

HAMILTON  
It is good to see you again.

LAURENS  
Thank you for coming. I feel like I should apologize for what happened.

HAMILTON  
You are not responsible for that brute. Besides, I can hardly blame him for being unable to let go of someone as utterly striking as yourself.

LAURENS  
How are things, still unemployed?

HAMILTON  
Actually, I’ve entered the campaign arena. Perhaps you know my candidate, a Mr. John Adams.

LAURENS  
Oh, the rising star. Of course. He’s so idealistic at times I’ve been tempted to jump ship to his side.

HAMILTON  
Well, you would be welcomed. But you would need to pass the interview process first, and that would consist of… Dinner? A trip to the theater, perhaps.

LAURENS  
I should have known you would use this as an opportunity to hit on me.

HAMILTON  
Is it working? I look pathetic with a black eye, don’t I? Isn’t it tempting to bundle me in a blanket and cuddle the night away? Did I mention my mom died? It still hurts, after all these years. 

LAURENS  
Orphaned immigrant.

HAMILTON  
Son of a whore.

LAURENS  
I’m pro-sex-work, I think it’s empowering for women and those folx need more protections.

HAMILTON  
You are as opinionated as you ever were.

LAURENS  
As I ever was? We met last month.

HAMILTON  
Forgive me, in truth… You remind me very much of someone I used to know. Someone very dear to my heart. His name was John, too. John Laurens.

LAURENS  
No shit! I’m his reincarnation.

HAMILTON  
Pardon.

LAURENS  
Oh fuck! You’re, the, Alexander Hamilton. What the heck are you doing in 2020, hun?

HAMILTON  
Myself and some friends - let’s see, there’s Franklin, Hamilton, Jefferson, Madison, Washington… and John Adams were kidnapped from the past, and brought to 2020 Chicago. And that is the story. Go back a bit, you are aware you’ve been reincarnated?

LAURENS  
Oh, yeah. It was pretty obvious. The second I heard about the guy, it was like finding out I was gay all over again. Like “woah, I’m into boys,” and then “woah, I was a soldier in the revolutionary war.” So you and I, we were close back then, weren’t we?

HAMILTON  
Very.

LAURENS  
And you’re stuck here, right? You’re not going back?

HAMILTON  
Well and truly stuck, yes.

LAURENS  
Well then, Mr. Hamilton. I look forward to getting to know you all over again.

  
Scene 3  
(A beautiful afternoon in Lincoln park. Adams and Abby are seated on a picnic blanket overlooking the water. She’s reading his speech.)

ABBY  
This is amazing, seriously. I don’t know how you make words sound so beautiful. It’s magic.

ADAMS  
You flatter me. 

ABBY  
No, I really mean it. I think you’re incredible, John. Oh, I almost forgot! I brought you something.  
(She hands him a Dr. Seuss book.)

ADAMS  
“Oh, The Places You’ll Go?”

ABBY  
It was my favorite book when I was a kid, and it made me think of you, because, well, you’re going places!

ADAMS  
Mm…

ABBY  
Johnny-bear? Is something wrong?

ADAMS  
It is nothing. 

ABBY  
Hey, you can talk to me.

ADAMS  
To speak candidly, I have been thinking about an affair between my friend Alexander and a woman from this time. He fell deeply for her, but she was only interested in a casual, if intimate, relationship. And…

ABBY  
And you’re afraid I’m gonna use you for sex?

ADAMS  
N-Not exactly!

ABBY  
John, you don’t need to worry about that.  
THIS IS NOT A HOOKUP, IT IS NOT A FLING.   
WHEN I’M NEXT TO YOU, I CAN DO ANYTHING.  
YOU’LL HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT I’M IN IT TO STAY.  
WHO COULD COMPARE TO JOHNNY-BEAR ANYWAY?

HOPE MY MEDIOCRE WORDS BRING YOU RELIEF,  
‘CAUSE I CAN RELATE TO YOUR DISBELIEF!

I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU FELL FOR ME.  
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M THAT LUCKY.  
BUT WHAT I DO BELIEVE MUST BE TRUE,  
IS I…  
FELL FOR YOU.

Scene 4  
(The apartment, celebration abound. There is music and drinking, general giddiness. Someone is chanting “Shots! Shots! Shots!”)  
FRANKLIN  
The day that Adams finally caught up to the other candidates was a day of great merriment. Sure, he was only up by a single point, but for a grassroots campaign run by a gaggle of old farts who barely understood the internet, it was an incredible feat.

ADAMS  
Jefferson, my good fellow, have you made any progress on that song of yours?

JEFFERSON  
Well, I’ve decided to forgo the first two steps for now and move onto the last three!

FRANKLIN  
Which are?

JEFFERSON  
Step 3 - Use the four chords.

HAMILTON  
Which four chords?

JEFFERSON  
My thoughts exactly. Step 4 - The lyrics must be relatable!

FRANKLIN  
I’m afraid you’ll have a hard time of that, being from three hundred years ago.

JEFFERSON  
Indeed, which leaves me with Step 5! It must have the proper danceability!

HAMILTON  
That is not a real word.

JEFFERSON  
It is now! One must be able to dance to the song. But apparently no one dances the waltz anymore, so unfortunately I’m back to square one.

FRANKLIN  
Keep at it! You’ll write a winner yet.

JEFFERSON  
Washington! Washington! Washington! How go things with your lady love?

WASHINGTON  
I’m not certain “love” is a word that applies. T’would be more accurate to call her my lady lust. All she ever does is insult me. Was she at all desirous of me, I would surely be the last to know. 

HAMILTON  
I am going to find the rally on the television. I want to watch the discomfort on our rival’s face knowing he’s been beaten by the great John Adams.

WASHINGTON  
Yes, do! Still, her command of the office and masterful grasp of technology is undeniably alluring. Is there anything more attractive than a strong, intelligent woman?

FRANKLIN  
A strong, intelligent woman you can’t have!

HAMILTON  
What in the name of…

FRANKLIN  
It was not a jest directed at you, Hamilton.

HAMILTON  
Not that. (He points to the television screen.) That! That man is doing Adams’ speech!

ADAMS  
What? That’s impossible, how could he-! But you’re right, that- that’s my speech, that man is doing my speech! 

JEFFERSON  
How did he get your speech? The only people who’ve seen it are Darvey and the five of us.

FRANKLIN  
Jefferson’s words echoed in the mind of each man. And while no one said anything out loud, turmoil was brewing just below the surface. Right at this moment, in fact, Adams is thinking...

ADAMS  
HAMILTON’S HEARTBROKEN, HE’S BEEN MAKING EYES   
AT THAT ONE GUY, ONE GLANCE AND HE STARTS TO BEAM.  
IS IT OUTLANDISH TO THINK HE’S PLAYING FOR THE OTHER TEAM?

FRANKLIN  
And Hamilton’s thinking...

HAMILTON  
JEFFERSON EDITED THE SPEECH TO HELP WITH SYNTAX,  
I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HIS FRIENDS ARE STRAPPED FOR CASH.  
WOULD HE HAVE SOLD IT FOR THE RIGHT PRICE? NO DOUBT.  
IN FACT, I BET HE WOULDN’T THINK TWICE TO SELL US OUT.

ADAMS, HAMILTON + FRANKLIN  
THINGS UNKNOWN,

FRANKLIN  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST ARE SEWN.

ADAMS, HAMILTON + FRANKLIN  
STONES ARE THROWN,

FRANKLIN  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST ARE SEWN.

FRANKLIN  
Meanwhile, Jefferson is thinking...

JEFFERSON  
WASHINGTON IS GETTING REALLY CLOSE TO THAT COMPUTER CHICK,  
I’M THINKIN’ THAT SHE COULD’VE HACK HIM WITH ONE CLICK.  
SHE COULD BE A DOUBLE AGENT FOR ARFF.  
I DON’T TRUST HER HAS FAR AS I CAN BARF.

ADAMS, HAMILTON, JEFFERSON, + FRANKLIN  
GRUDGES SHOWN, 

FRANKLIN  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST ARE SEWN.

ADAMS, HAMILTON, JEFFERSON, + FRANKLIN  
COVER BLOWN,

FRANKLIN  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST ARE SEWN.  
And Washington? Now he’s thinking...

WASHINGTON  
ADAMS IS UNDER FIRE EVERY SINGLE DAY,  
WOULD HE HAVE TAKEN AN OUT IF HE HAD A WAY?  
IF HE COULDN’T TAKE THE ENDLESS HATE BARRAGE,  
NOTHING’S MORE EFFECTIVE THAN SELF-SABOTAGE. 

ALL  
FEEL ALONE,  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST ARE SEWN.  
FAITH HAS FLOWN,  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST ARE SEWN.

THINGS UNKNOWN,  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST ARE SEWN.  
TIL’ WE KNOW,

FRANKLIN  
THE SEEDS OF UNREST WILL ONLY GROW.  
And that’s when Adams got the email. (A ding.)

ADAMS  
It’s from AARF.

WASHINGTON  
A video?

HAMILTON  
Play it.   
(Adams plays the video.)  
HANDLER  
Hi there, dickwads, remember me? A little hostage of ours warned that the Adams campaign would overtake us, and wouldn’t you know it? You’re ahead in the polls. Well done, John. But how long is that going to last now that somebody has stolen your rhetoric? Well… Maybe you won’t have to worry about that. See, we still have your friend here. (The camera pans over to Madison.)

MADISON  
The green river will run dry.

HANDLER  
Shut up. So, here’s the deal, Adams. End your campaign, and tell all your prospective voters to endorse our guy. You do that, and we’ll give you back your raving lunatic. And because I’m feeling generous, I’ll even send all of you back home to your time. Sound good? You have a week before the next debate. Think it over.

FRANKLIN  
They’re offering to send us back.

HAMILTON  
If Adams betrays himself.

FRANKLIN  
What do the results of a future election matter to us when we’ll live peacefully years away from these horrid events?

HAMILTON  
Everything we’ve done in our time has been for the sake of the future. It’s not a future I plan to corrupt for my own gain.

JEFFERSON  
For once, Hamilton and I agree. Besides, would it be so bad to stay and witness our friend become the president?

FRANKLIN  
And let Madison remain in their clutches, to be used for more nefarious schemes?

JEFFERSON  
Used, what do you mean used?

FRANKLIN  
...As a hostage, I mean.

JEFFERSON  
No, no, sir, you pick your words very carefully. What did you mean by “used?”

HAMILTON  
Madison sees the future.

WASHINGTON  
What on earth?

HAMILTON  
That must have been how they knew Adams’ campaign would be successful.

ADAMS  
The two of you knew about this? And neglected to tell the rest of us?

HAMILTON  
It seemed unimportant at the time, and it still is! Are we going to submit to their demands or not?

WASHINGTON  
We’ll put it to a vote. Will we do as they say to send Madison and ourselves back home. I say, Aye.

HAMILTON  
Nay.

FRANKLIN  
Aye.

JEFFERSON  
Nay.

ADAMS  
I-I-I abstain!

WASHINGTON  
Then it seems it is down to you, John. Your choice will decide our fate.

FRANKLIN  
And Madison’s too.

  
Scene 5  
(Washington and Caroline are dressing themselves in the office.)

WASHINGTON  
Should we not tell the others about us?

CAROLINE  
Don’t. You. Dare. (She exits.)

WASHINGTON  
BEWARE THE CHARMING FELLOW,   
FOR HE MIGHT WIN YOUR AFFECTION.  
WITH GODLY SUMS OF PATIENCE,  
HE’LL DEFY YOUR PREDILECTION.

BEWARE THE CHARMING FELLOW,  
AND BEWARE THE STUBBORN MAN!  
NONE COULD WIN YOU OVER,   
BUT GEORGE WASHINGTON SURE CAN.

  
Scene 6  
(The coffee shop, Hamilton is working furiously at the table. Laurens leans over his shoulder to speak.)

LAURENS  
I quit.

HAMILTON  
What?

LAURENS  
The campaign. His advisors wouldn’t budge on climate change and I said, either show me your 5-year-plan to protect the environment, or I’m not running this campaign. So I’m not running his campaign. I’ll be helping you instead.

HAMILTON  
John. I wish you’d have told me.

LAURENS  
Why? Did you fill the position?

HAMILTON  
I can’t explain everything, but the campaign might be dead by next week.

LAURENS  
...You’re going back, aren’t you? Yeah. Those people, they’re sending you back. If it was anything else, you’d be able to say it.

HAMILTON  
I don’t want to go, but it was put to a vote and-

LAURENS  
If you don’t want to go, then don’t go. Stay.  
THE GAME OF LOVE IS LIKE A RIDDLE,   
YOU TRUST TOO MUCH OR JUST TO LITTLE.  
YOU GIVE A LOT MORE THAN YOU KNOW YOU’RE GONNA TAKE,  
YOU MAKE THE PROMISES YOU KNOW YOU’RE GONNA BREAK.

YOU GO ALL IN,  
YOU ALMOST WIN,  
YOU SWEAR YOU’LL NEVER FALL AGAIN,  
AND THEN THE GAMES BEGIN.

I WASTED TOO MANY LIVES,   
AND I’VE GOT MYSELF TO BLAME,  
BUT THE ENDING IS THE SAME.  
OLDER, SMARTER, AND WISE,  
WHOEVER I BECAME,  
THE ENDING WAS THE SAME.

NO MATTER WHAT I CHOOSE,  
I ALWAYS LOSE THE GAME.

IT’S ALIKE, COFFIN TO CRADLE.  
THE GAME OF LOVE TENDS TO BE FATAL.  
CUZ’ SOMEONE’S IN IT, AND SOMEONE’S ALREADY GONE.  
NOT SAFE TO BET YOUR HEART OR MONEY ON.

DON’T DEAL ME IN,  
IF I CAN’T WIN.  
GIVE ME YOUR BEST ARGUMENT,  
BUT I HAVE A THINKER SKIN.

AND I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND,  
I’M FINISHED WITH THE SHAME,  
IF THE ENDING IS THE SAME.  
THIS TIME, I WILL NOT CRY,  
I’LL FORGET YOU EVER CAME.  
THE ENDING IS THE SAME.

IS THIS A PLACE I’VE NEVER BEEN?  
IS THIS A GAME WE BOTH COULD WIN?  
OR DO I NEVER LEARN?

YOU DON’T KNOW HOW BAD I WANNA PLAY,  
DON’T KNOW HOW BAD I WANNA STAY,  
BUT I CAN’T TAKE ANOTHER TURN.

I’VE WASTED TOO MANY LIVES,  
SHEDDING TEARS AND PLACING BLAME,  
WHEN THE ENDING IS THE SAME!  
I WON’T RUN TO YOUR ARMS,  
JUST TO LET YOU TAKE YOUR AIM,  
IF THE ENDING IS THE SAME!

IF YOU CAN’T STAY…  
IF YOU CAN’T STAY…  
IF YOU CAN’T STAY,  
THEN LET’S NOT PLAY,  
THE GAME.  
  
HAMILTON  
If it were up to me alone…

LAURENS  
Don’t. I don’t want to say goodbye, so-

HAMILTON  
So. Good luck then. 

Scene 7  
(Washington returns home, a letter in hand. Jefferson plucking gratingly at a shiny new Banjo while Hamilton proof-reads one of Adams’ new speeches.)

WASHINGTON  
Patriots, we- Ah, where is Franklin?

HAMILTON  
The bedroom. Napping, I imagine. We’ve been burning the candle at both ends trying to write Adams two possible speeches. 

WASHINGTON  
You haven’t come to a decision yet, John? No matter. The time has come once again to pay for our electricity.

ADAMS  
The jar should have cash a plenty! 

WASHINGTON  
...The jar seems to be empty.

HAMILTON  
What?

ADAMS  
Hamilton, you didn’t spend it on our campaign costs, did you?

HAMILTON  
Of course not! I have only used the money that I procured through completely legal means.

WASHINGTON  
Jefferson, what’s that?

JEFFERSON  
What is what?

WASHINGTON  
That, there, in your hands.

JEFFERSON  
Ah, this? It’s called a Banjo, a fascinating instrument, actually. Five strings-

WASHINGTON  
And, pray tell, how did you purchase this Banjo?

JEFFERSON  
...How was I to know we would be forced to pay the electricity bill more than once?!

ADAMS  
Jefferson!

WASHINGTON  
After we- nay, after I have supported you financially through your ridiculous songwriting fantasy, you had no right!

JEFFERSON  
It is my “songwriting fantasy” that will win Adams this election!

HAMILTON  
Perhaps if you ever wrote the song.

JEFFERSON  
Washington is only trying to turn opinion against me because he knows it was his lady who stole Adams’ speech!

WASHINGTON  
Excuse me?

HAMILTON  
Nonsense! Jefferson, your pot-head friends clearly swiped it off of you and sold it. Or perhaps you were in on the scheme! How much was your new banjo, anyway?

JEFFERSON  
I would never!

ADAMS  
Hamilton, don’t turn the blame on Jefferson. If anyone had motive to leak my speech it was you.

HAMILTON  
You think me a traitor? Me? When I have done nothing but support your campaign? This was my idea, for providence’s sake!

ADAMS  
And why, Hamilton? You had a chance to endorse me back in 1796, but you did not until this handsome fellow walked into your life, and now the two of you clearly share a friendship far deeper than ours has ever been.

WASHINGTON  
Enough, Adams. Tis’ one thing for you to stand by whilst mud is hurled and quite another for you to hurl it yourself.

ADAMS  
And just what is that supposed to mean?

WASHINGTON  
You could barely take the pressure of a presidential election when there were sixteen states. You turn as red as Jefferson’s beet when you read what they write about you now. None had more reason to kill this campaign than you, sir.

JEFFERSON  
Methinks the Lady doth protest too much!

HAMILTON  
Oh, do you thinks? Do you thinks?

ADAMS  
I have never, in my life-!

WASHINGTON  
Enough! There’s only one man who can settle this matter. 

HAMILTON  
He’s right. Franklin, the mediator. Oh Franklin!  
(Hamilton opens the bedroom door, and there is a collective gasp.)

FRANKLIN  
Hamilton! This is not what it looks like!  
(He rushes to dress himself.)

JEFFERSON  
Oh, Franklin.

FRANKLIN  
We were merely-

HAMILTON  
Don’t! Just don’t.  
(Mindi exits the bedroom, wrapped in a sheet.)

MINDI  
Hi guys. We have to stop meeting like this! So, um, you’re clearly in the middle of something. I’ll just wash this sheet and bring it back later. Okay, bye. (She exits.)

FRANKLIN  
Hamilton?

HAMILTON  
Of all the lying, two-timing, duplicitous cowards I’ve ever met…

WASHINGTON  
Hamilton.

HAMILTON  
No, Washington! Why must we continue to play this charade? We are not friends, any of us! And we never were. No amount of time travel can change that.   
(Hamilton goes into his room and slams the door.)

Scene 8  
(Adams stands alone, about to give his speech. He dials a number, and curses when it goes to voicemail.)

ADAMS  
That’s Jefferson, Hamilton, Franklin, Washington, and still no response. I am deserted. Adams, Alone…

OH, WHAT’S A DIPLOMAT TO DO,   
WITHOUT ANY COUNCIL?  
HOW DO I MAKE UP MY DAMNED MIND?  
WE’RE DIVIDED, LIKE WASHINGTON WARNED WE WOULD BE…

SO I WILL STAND IN THE DARK AND ACT,  
COMPROMISE WHAT I BELIEVE.  
I’LL GIVE IT ALL AWAY FOR JUST A CHANCE AT REUNION,  
AND RECONCILIATION.  
I’LL BE THE BIGGER MAN.

‘CAUSE YES, MY FRIENDS ARE JERKS,  
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY’RE MY JERKS.  
AND I WILL SACRIFICE FOR MY JERKS.

Be brave and bold, John...

Scene 9  
(The apartment. Washington paces the length of the floor, the other Founding Fathers pouting as they wait for Adams to return. Jefferson is strumming his guitar. Adams enters.)

WASHINGTON  
Adams.

ADAMS  
It is done.

FRANKLIN  
When do you suppose they’ll come?

WASHINGTON  
They know where to find us. I imagine we won’t be waiting long. (Jefferson strums.) Jefferson, put that away. Hamilton, stop glaring at Franklin. You won’t bore a hole in his skull, you’ll only give yourself a migraine.

HAMILTON  
You are not my father.

WASHINGTON  
And you are not my petulant teenage son, so stop acting like it.

(The Handler enters with Abby, tosses Madison towards the others. Franklin begins to untie him.)  
HANDLER  
Franklin, Hamilton, Jefferson, Madison, Washington, and John Adams. Good, everybody’s here.

ADAMS  
Abigail! Good god, what are you doing here? Step away from this criminal at once!

HANDLER  
Wow, for someone who was once the president, you aren’t the brightest, are you?

ABBY  
I can’t believe he fell for it. 

ADAMS  
Abigail?

ABBY  
Oh my god. Do you need your head examined? I was spying on you! 

ADAMS  
But you said-

ABBY  
I lied. I’m actually really good at it. And I stole your speech because I knew it would make you guys go at each others’ throats! Oh, and also? My name is Erin.

(Assorted gasps.)

HAMILTON  
Wench!

HANDLER  
Since they’re all here, I don’t see any reason to put this off.  
(He pulls a gun from his coat.)  
Now, who’s first?

WASHINGTON  
What is the meaning of this? You gave your word that if Adams gave you his endorsement, you would send us back home!

ABBY  
And you believed it? 

ADAMS  
This is dishonorable and foul.

ABBY  
Aw, Johnny-bear… The truth is, we were never going to send you home. We can’t.  
(The Founding Fathers all yell in disbelief.)  
Listen, you outdated hobgoblins! Just think about this situation for half a second. You’re all here, and despite historians preserving every useless grocery list you ever wrote, not one of you mentioned your little vacation to the future? Not to anyone else, not even to each other? Furthermore, we’re about to shoot you, and yet history hasn’t changed. None of you magically disappeared back in the nineteenth century.

WASHINGTON  
Enough. Speak plainly.

ABBY  
You’re not the real Founding Fathers! You’re copies that we made and infused with their memories. There’s no going back to your time, there’s only the end of your suffering. You didn’t found America. You’re nothing but a photocopy of greatness. (To the Handler.) Put them out of their misery.  
(As the Handler draws his weapon, Hamilton, who has been slowly getting behind the couch during Abby’s monologue, pulls his gun and shoots two precise shots, felling the Handler and Abby before they can so much as yell.)

ADAMS  
Abigail!

WASHINGTON  
Hamilton!

JEFFERSON  
Dear lord, are you mad?!

HAMILTON  
I don’t make the same mistake twice!

JEFFERSON  
Are they… dead?

WASHINGTON  
Most assuredly.

ADAMS  
What do we do?

FRANKLIN  
Why, we’ll explain to the authorities that it was self-defense.

ADAMS  
Not about that! The villains may be no more, and if nothing else this will certainly keep AARF from meddling further in our lives, but… well, that’s just it, our lives. They’ve been lived for us, centuries ago.

WASHINGTON  
Adams is right. We are not the men we claim to be. We are imposters.

JEFFERSON  
Who are we, then?

FRANKLIN  
We know who we are. (The Battle Hymn of the Republic plays.) I am Benjamin Fucking Franklin. Perhaps I did not discover electricity, but I provide internet assistance, advice, and council to my dear friends. 

WASHINGTON  
I am George Washington. Not the first president of the United States, but the first office manager in history to win the affections of Caroline, the lady dragon.

ADAMS  
I am John Adams; I may not have stood up to King George himself, but I stood up to injustice and came damn close to making a difference.

MADISON  
Madison.

FRANKLIN  
Yes, that’s right, James.

JEFFERSON  
I am Thomas Jefferson. I didn’t write the Declaration of Independence, but my first EP “Songs from Monticello” did less terribly than expected.

HAMILTON  
(He raises one of his muskets the way one might raise a hand in kindergarten.) I’m bisexual.   
(Record scratch.)

FRANKLIN  
Oh, we know.

HAMILTON  
You did?

JEFFERSON  
Have you looked in a mirror? You dress like a dandy. (They laugh.)

WASHINGTON  
Then it’s settled, men. We shall build a home here. We’ll make the best of the world we’re in.

JEFFERSON  
Yes, of course! And that starts with the election. Adams-

ADAMS  
It’s too late. I’ve already revoked my candidacy. Without the fire of the New Federalist party, AARF will surely take control of the white house.

FRANKLIN  
Not so fast, my good man! There is a Federalist yet who has never served as the president.

JEFFERSON  
Who, you, Franklin?

FRANKLIN  
Nay! Hamilton!

HAMILTON  
If this is your attempt to make amends for sleeping with the woman who broke my heart, Franklin, you need not be so reticent. I am not going to shoot you. See? The guns are going away. (He finally packs away his muskets.)

FRANKLIN  
And I appreciate it more than you know, but I assure you my suggestion has no ulterior motive. 

HAMILTON  
I am guilty of Adultery, doesn’t that preclude me from the presidency?

MADISON  
Not anymore. (They all turn to stare at Madison.) The bar is much lower now.

HAMILTON  
Either way, I am a bastard. There’s no getting around that.

WASHINGTON  
Perhaps not, but people seem to care far less about parentage in this century.

ADAMS  
Are we all going to pretend Hamilton didn’t just shoot two people before our eyes? Why, they will call him a murderer. A double murderer!

WASHINGTON  
And I’m sure the American people would prefer a double-murderer with a brain over the Gollumpus currently in office.

ADAMS  
But to fit an entire presidential campaign into a matter of days? That’s madness. It’s the eleventh hour, friends. How do you expect us to pull off such a thing?

JEFFERSON  
I know how. With the power of the internet. I still don’t know how the beet comes into play, but I have been studying the list religiously, and I believe I am finally ready to write a viral song.   
(He hands the beet to Washington. Then, says to Hamilton.)  
This one’s for you, you absolute madman. Washington, drop the beet.  
(Washington, absolutely done with this bullshit, drops the beet on the floor and the music starts.)

JEFFERSON ON THE MIC,   
BRRRAH!

ARE YOU SICK OF MOVING BACK INTO A DYING CENTURY?  
SICK OF THIS IDIOT AT THE WHEEL TELLING YOU PROGRESS AIN’T MEANT TO   
BE?  
DO POLITICS GIVE YOU THE BLUES?

FRANKLIN + ADAMS  
THIS MORON IS GETTING SO CLOSE HE CAN TASTE IT!

JEFFERSON  
HOLD UP, DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?

FRANKLIN + ADAMS  
THE FEDERALIST PARTY AIN’T OUTTA THE RACE YET!

JEFFERSON  
SURE, ADAMS FOLDED, BUT WE BROUGHT YOU SOMEONE BETTER,  
THE FOUNDER OF FINANCE, OUR OWN NATIONAL DEBTOR!

VOTE BASTARD!  
HE’S GONNA FIGHT FOR YOU.

JEFFERSON + ADAMS  
VOTE BASTARD!

JEFFERSON  
WE PROMISE HE’LL COME THROUGH.

JEFFERSON + ADAMS  
VOTE BASTARD!

JEFFERSON  
THERE’S NOTHIN’ HE CAN’T DO.

FRANKLIN  
IF YOU LIKED THE MUSICAL, YOU’LL PROB’LY LIKE THE GUY, TOO.

JEFFERSON  
DO YOU SICKEN OF POLITICIANS LYIN’? I DON’T DOUBT IT.  
WHEN THIS GUY CHEATED ON HIS WIFE,

JEFFERSON, ADAMS, + FRANKLIN  
HE WROTE A NOVEL ABOUT IT.

JEFFERSON  
ANY CLUE THE BALLS THAT TOOK?

FRANKLIN + ADAMS  
RUINED HIS LIFE FOR THE SAKE OF VERACITY.

JEFFERSON  
YOU WON’T FIND A MORE OPEN BOOK!

FRANKLIN + ADAMS  
NOBODY ELSE COULD HAVE HALF THE AUDACITY!  
JEFFERSON  
IF YOU THOUGHT HE WAS DOWN AND OUT,   
THEN YOU’VE BEEN PLAYED A FOOL,  
HE’S BEEN WARMING UP HIS PEN AND GETTING READY FOR A

JEFFERSON, ADAMS, + FRANKLIN  
RE-DUEL!  
VOTE BASTARD!

WASHINGTON  
HE HELPED US WIN THE WAR.

JEFFERSON, ADAMS, + FRANKLIN  
VOTE BASTARD!

JEFFERSON  
HE WILL DO SO MUCH MORE!

JEFFERSON, ADAMS, + FRANKLIN  
VOTE BASTARD!

ADAMS  
AND WATCH OUR COUNTRY SOAR!

WASHINGTON + JEFFERSON  
AND IF YOU AREN’T VOTING, WHAT THE FUCK DID WE WORK SO HARD FOR?!

HAMILTON  
You didn’t vote? Why didn’t you vote?!  
(Laurens enters.)

LAURENS  
You’re running for president?!

HAMILTON  
Seems that way, yes.

LAURENS  
Then you’re staying? All of you?

WASHINGTON  
Turns out we never had much choice in the matter.

LAURENS  
Then it sounds like you need a campaign manager, my dear boy.

(OVERLAPPING:)  
JEFFERSON  
THE HISTORY IS GONNA CONTINUE,  
YOU ENDORSED ME, I’M ENDORSING YOU.

WASHINGTON  
WE MADE AMERICA, WE MADE AMERICA, WE MADE AMERICA.

WASHINGTON + HAMILTON  
WE MADE AMERICA, WE MADE AMERICA, WE MADE AMERICA.

ADAMS  
HOW WILL WE RESPOND WHEN CON-MEN CHEAT TO WIN THE RACE?  
WE DO WHAT WE MUST IF JUSTICE IS UPROOTED FROM HER PLACE,  
WE DISOBEY WITH GRACE.

JEFFERSON, WASHINGTON, ADAMS, + HAMILTON  
VOTE BASTARD.

LAURENS  
CUZ’ HE’S A CHARMING GUY.

JEFFERSON, WASHINGTON, + ADAMS  
VOTE BASTARD.  
(Hamilton and Laurens kiss.)

ALL  
VOTE BASTARD!   
HE’S GONNA FIGHT FOR YOU!  
VOTE BASTARD!  
WE KNOW THAT HE’LL COME THROUGH!  
VOTE BASTARD!  
THERE’S NOTHING HE CAN’T DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO!

FRANKLIN  
Jefferson’s music career was indeed launched by his hit song, but no sooner did he attain stardom that he decided his true calling was slam poetry.

JEFFERSON  
This one is called “I’m really sorry about the whole slavery thing, that was my bad.”

FRANKLIN  
Washington’s dalliance with Miss Caroline remained a secret. That is, until they became engaged and she was forced to tell the office. 

OFFICE WORKER 1  
I fucking knew it!

FRANKLIN  
James Madison finally got the help he needed, and through trial and error, he and his doctor found the proper medication.

MADISON  
It works wonders.

FRANKLIN  
He no longer sees the future.

MADISON  
At least, that’s what he tells his friends.

FRANKLIN  
And, of course, Alexander Hamilton became the 46th President of the United States of America. His victory in the election was a victory for every marginalized group in the nation. John Adams served as Vice President, and Hamilton never let him live it down.

HAMILTON  
Do you remember when you fired me?

ADAMS  
That never happened!

FRANKLIN  
And Mr. Laurens became the first ever “First Fellow,” and used his platform to fight inequality in Queer, Black, and POC circles. 

LAURENS  
What do we want?

FRANKLIN  
Police reform!

LAURENS  
When do we want it?

FRANKLIN  
Next month at the latest!

LAURENS  
We’ll work on it. 

FRANKLIN  
As for me, I remained a womanizing bachelor the rest of my days.

MINDI  
Wait, what?!

FRANKLIN  
Oh, I thought you knew. Look, this was fun. Just fun. But you were a great story.

HAMILTON  
WE MADE AMERICA.

HAMILTON + JEFFERSON  
WE MADE AMERICA.

HAMILTON, JEFFERSON + ADAMS  
WE MADE AMERICA,

HAMILTON  
BUT IT’S TIME TO

ALL  
RE-MAKE AMERICA.  
RE-MAKE AMERICA.

FOUNDING FATHERS  
WE MADE AMERICA,  
IT’S YOUR TURN.


End file.
